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The Fall of the Velvet Hammer

Beneath the stained-glass ceiling
And sparkling chandeliers
The House is called to order
The Velvet Hammer appears

A hush falls o’er the chamber
Scores of members take their seats
And once they’ve pledged allegiance
The Hammer starts to speak

In near whisper through a microphone
He greets “Good afternoon
There’s just two things I’ll ask of you:
Vote me ruler, adopt my rules.”

And from beneath the portrait
Of the legend Honest Abe
Votes split down party lines but pass
The caucus has obeyed

And so began another round
Of the Hammer’s endless reign
Another scene, another act
Another power play


***

I watched it from the gallery
A nervous rookie staffer
In a cheap and wrinkled pinstripe suit
New student to the master

I knew not much of politics

But had a friend who knew a guy

A call was made, an offer came

Matt McCoy said “Step inside.”

The gavel struck, the House adjourned
Cheers rippled through the crowd
Inauguration parties next
The circus was in town

McCoy was there beside me,
Said “Come on let’s make the rounds-
You’ll learn who’s who, and what they do
And how the deals go down”

We walked into a hotel bar

He said, “Time to work the room-
They’ll grin, pretend to be your friend

Just play along and drink the booze”

Lobbyists and law makers
Whiskey beer and wine
He said, “Watch out — there’s a reporter,
Stay out of the headlines”

I musta shook a hundred hands
But forgot all of their names
I slurred goodbye and stumbled home
Slept it off ‘til morning came

***

On my desk a heavy stack of bills
To read and scrutinize
The Velvet Hammer had to know
The who what where and why

The staff all swore they earned their place,

But few were there by chance.
The Hammer don’t want no one
That somebody didn’t send

As the weeks wore on
My life began to fade into a haze
Work all day drink all night
Falling deeper in the game

Some bills cleared committees
Then debated on the floor
Sponsors spun soliloquies
Canned lines to perform

And all the while the Hammer ruled
Silent from above
Looming like a specter
O’er the spectacle and buzz

I never saw him break a law
But so much went unsaid
So much underneath the table
But still over my head

***

I gargled cool mint Listerine
To hide the whiskey on my breath
And now and then I’d sneak a pull
From the bottle in my desk

Then there came a rainy day
When McCoy just walked away
No words, no look, just silence
Like he’d never known my name.

A mob in the rotunda
Screamed “the Hammer needs to fall”
Their shouting shook the columns
And echoed down the halls

But the gears kept grinding onward
We all ignored the roar
The cleanest guy in the Capitol
Is the janitor mopping the floor

***

One morning in the paper
A front-page bold headline
The Hammer was indicted
Racketeering, lies, and bribes

I shuddered when I read the news

Too strung out to stay
So I slipped off to detox
In a clinic out of state

In a courtroom packed from wall to wall
The foreman read the verdict
Guilty on all counts but one
I guess nobody’s perfect

The gavel struck the court adjourned
The Hammer finally fell
No kingdom lasts forever
But no one ever ruled so well

And it’s easy to condemn him
We all need someone to blame
But to win the crown and keep it
You might need to do the same

Soon someone replaced him
Said he’d finally play it clean
But they still parade on St Paddy’s Day
And they still dye the river green