Make Her Wonder

She was east coast direct
He was midwest finesse
Get a little more when you give a little less
When she poked the bear
He kept his wits
Kiss on the cheek give her something to miss

He knew his answer
But he still made her guess
Some things are better kept close to the chest
He played it cool
Yeah he sold it well
He was head over heels but she couldn’t tell

If you want her
Make her wonder
Keep her guessing
Take it from me
Cuz once a woman
Knows you love her
That’s when she’ll turn around and leave

She bit her lip
And played with her hair
He just grinned like the Devil may care
She gave a giggle
And batted her eyes
He made a move took her home that night

(She asked him)
Why did
You make me wonder
Why did you hide your
Feelings from me
He said darling
If I had told you
I knew you’d turn around and leave

Love You All the Way

I was asleep when Aristotle
Appeared to me inside of a strange dream
As we strolled around the agora
He lectured me about the Golden Mean
To practice moderation
Was the crux of his philosophy
But I scoffed at his suggestion
Cause with you I’d rather tilt towards the extremes

For me its all or nothing
There aint no middle ground
If what you want is in between
I will let you down
But if you want forever
You can trust I’m here to stay
To hell with Aristotle
I’ll love you all the way
The next night as I slumbered
The Buddha bubbled up inside my brain
Up in the Himalayas
He told me of a way to end my pain
He said enlightenment is yours
If you learn to walk the Middle Way
But I recoiled at his riddle
Cause with you I’d struggle with restraint

For me it’s all or nothing
There ain’t no middle ground
If what what you want is in between
Then I will let you down
But if you want forever
You can trust I’m here to stay
I’ll disobey the Buddha
And love you all the way

From the west to the east
Since antiquity
All the wise guys agree
But it’s not for me

For me it’s all or nothing
There ain’t no middle ground
If what you want is in between
Then I will let you down
But if you want forever
You can trust I’m here to stay
To hell with moderation
I’ll love you all the way

Cracking Jokes to Cover Up the Pain

It was a perfect first date
The conversation flowed
They kissed at the end
It was supernatural
But then the next day
She wouldn’t answer his calls
He said “man that’s spooky”
Guess she’s a ghost after all”
Didn’t wanna dwell on how she didn’t feel the same
Cracked a joke to cover up the pain

The very next day
Saw her walking down the street
On the arm of another man
Plain as could be
But he hid his dejection, pretended to be nice
He said “So good to see you, you cold poltergeist”
Put on a smile so she couldn’t see the strain
Cracked a joke to cover up the pain

A few weeks later
Wouldn’t you know
She called him up, said I miss you so
I’m sorry for ghosting
Can we turn back the clock
Can we pick it back up where we left off
He said are you kidding?
After how you’ve treated me
I’m truly impressed with your audacity
Go haunt someone else with your paranormal ways
Please leave me alone vamoose go away
He hung up and heard the familiar refrain
Cracking jokes to cover up the pain.

Leave it at a Look

At the grocery store I felt your eyes
Caught you checking me out in the checkout line
Held your gaze, a knowing grin
Uh oh here we go again
I’ve seen that lusty look before
I know where this could lead
Your sultry stare I must ignore
It’s the last thing that I need

Let’s leave it at look
Let’s stop it at a stare
A glance is plenty good
We could but doncha dare
Just enjoy the passing moment
But avoid the love affair
So let’s leave it at a look
Before it goes somewhere

As the cashier scanned my items
You were scanning me
Bananas, nuts, and honey buns
And me a piece of meat
They asked paper or plastic?
I said either’s fine with me
And glancing back at you I said
I won’t need a receipt

The price is just too high
For feelings that won't last
Won't make an impulse buy
My cart is full I’ve gotta pass

Laundry Love Blues

My love’s a load of laundry
Sunday morning chore
Try to wash clean
All the stains I’ve ignored
Sometimes my love bleeds
Other times it shrinks
Sometimes it’s delicate-
Gotta wash it in the sink
A hamper full of heartache will make you confused
Now listen while I tell you ’bout the laundry love blues.

I met a high-thread count woman
Did my best to impress her
But the fabric of my life
Was cheap polyester
An interesting wrinkle-
tried to iron it out
But it didn’t fold neatly,
came out creased with doubt
A spin cycle romance that wasn’t meant to be
Lost like a sock in the laundry

Was wearing grey sweatpants
Hey my eyes are up here
But I was a hand-me-down
And she was cashmere
My heart was size large
Hers was extra small
Stretched out at the seams
We never fit at all
A spin cycle romance that wasn’t meant to be
Lost like a sock in the laundry

She was au courant
I was out of the loop
She was designer
Made me feel like a dupe
Couldn’t stitch us together
The colors all clashed
The fabrics were different
Our styles were mismatched
A spin cycle romance that wasn’t meant to be
Lost like a sock in the laundry

My love’s a load of laundry
Sunday morning chore
Try to wash clean
All the stains I’ve ignored
Sometimes my love bleeds
Other times it shrinks
Sometimes it’s delicate
Gotta wash it in the sink
A hamper full of heartache will leave you confused
Now you know the story ’bout the laundry love blues

Now I’ve done my last load
My hamper is empty
For a love that won’t fold
I’ll take timeless
oooover
trendy

The Fall of the Velvet Hammer

Beneath the stained-glass ceiling
And sparkling chandeliers
The House is called to order
The Velvet Hammer appears

A hush falls o’er the chamber
Scores of members take their seats
And once they’ve pledged allegiance
The Hammer starts to speak

In near whisper through a microphone
He greets “Good afternoon
There’s just two things I’ll ask of you:
Vote me ruler, adopt my rules.”

And from beneath the portrait
Of the legend Honest Abe
Votes split down party lines but pass
The caucus has obeyed

And so began another round
Of the Hammer’s endless reign
Another scene, another act
Another power play 

***

I watched it from the gallery
A nervous rookie staffer
In a cheap and wrinkled pinstripe suit
New student to the master

I knew not much of politics 
But had a friend who knew a guy 
A call was made, an offer came 
Matt McCoy said “Step inside.”

The gavel struck, the House adjourned
Cheers rippled through the crowd
Inauguration parties next
The circus was in town

McCoy was there beside me,
Said “Come on let’s make the rounds-
You’ll learn who’s who, and what they do
And how the deals go down”

We walked into a hotel bar 
He said, “Time to work the room-
They’ll grin, pretend to be your friend 
Just play along and drink the booze”

Lobbyists and law makers
Whiskey beer and wine
He said, “Watch out — there’s a reporter,
Stay out of the headlines”

I musta shook a hundred hands
But forgot all of their names
I slurred goodbye and stumbled home
Slept it off ‘til morning came

***

On my desk a heavy stack of bills
To read and scrutinize
The Velvet Hammer had to know
The who what where and why

The staff all swore they earned their place, 
But few were there by chance.
The Hammer don’t want no one
That somebody didn’t send

As the weeks wore on
My life began to fade into a haze
Work all day drink all night
Falling deeper in the game

Some bills cleared committees
Then debated on the floor
Sponsors spun soliloquies
Canned lines to perform

And all the while the Hammer ruled
Silent from above
Looming like a specter
O’er the spectacle and buzz

I never saw him break a law
But so much went unsaid
So much underneath the table
But still over my head

***

I gargled cool mint Listerine
To hide the whiskey on my breath
And now and then I’d sneak a pull
From the bottle in my desk

Then there came a rainy day
When McCoy just walked away
No words, no look, just silence
Like he’d never known my name.

A mob in the rotunda
Screamed “the Hammer needs to fall”
Their shouting shook the columns
And echoed down the halls

But the gears kept grinding onward
We all ignored the roar
The cleanest guy in the Capitol
Is the janitor mopping the floor

***

One morning in the paper
A front-page bold headline
The Hammer was indicted
Racketeering, lies, and bribes

I shuddered when I read the news 
Too strung out to stay
So I slipped off to detox
In a clinic out of state

In a courtroom packed from wall to wall
The foreman read the verdict
Guilty on all counts but one
I guess nobody’s perfect

The gavel struck the court adjourned
The Hammer finally fell
No kingdom lasts forever
But no one ever ruled so well

And it’s easy to condemn him
We all need someone to blame
But to win the crown and keep it
You might need to do the same

Soon someone replaced him
Said he’d finally play it clean
But they still parade on St Paddy’s Day
And they still dye the river green